By Li-Anne Wright

"Bratty Little Bottom, it began, Looking For Tough Girls To Rough Me Up and Boss Me Around. God, I cringe just thinking about it. Don’t Want a Girlfriend, the end proclaimed, Just A Hard Sleazy Fuck.” From the autobiographical novel Valencia by Michelle Tea, this is the main character’s somewhat embarrassed recollection of the ad she placed in the “gay personals.” (For the curious reader: Michelle gets one dead end callback, a prank call from her friend, and a disappointing one-night-stand.)


Despite this personal ad being from a novel set in 1990s San Francisco, it would fit right in on one of the contemporary platforms where I’ve seen dyke/queer personal ads, like one such Instagram account that posts anonymous personal ads with titles like “YOUR BOOTS WERE MADE FOR RIDING” and “SHE/SIR/DADDY.”


But why does this form have such staying power? For the young dykes of the online dating era, we might think of the personal ad as a precursor. Basically, they are shouts into the void submitted somewhere—like a newspaper, magazine, bulletin board, or online—and then interested readers may respond. Depending on the publication, the vibe might be a witty request for a romantic date, a wish list of qualities for their future girlfriend (often with “will relocate” tacked at the end—oh, lesbians), or a more straightforward plea like the Valencia excerpt above.


Lesbian personal ads have a fascinating, storied history. CJ De Barra has written about how lesbians were periodicals that consisted entirely of personal ads, like The Wishing Well. While the On Our Backs personal ads from the 80s-early 2000s are somewhat infamous, you can also see really great dyke personal ads from the 90s and aughts in the lonely hearts project by Irène Mélix (whose great presentation on this topic I attended at the 2025 Lesbian Lives Conference that Sinister Wisdom helped co-host!).


The personal ad has become less ubiquitous now, but I find that the romance of the personal ad still lingers in contemporary dyke cultures. For example:

• Some contemporary lesbian zines like the Lez Web take personal ads for their issues.
• Instagram accounts that assemble content about lesbian topics often repost personal ads from On Our Backs. (See: this post by @butch_fever, and the crowd of commenters losing their minds) (Also see: Sinister Wisdom’s forthcoming issue on the legacy of On Our Backs, which is taking submissions now!)
• The Lex app, a community and dating app for queer people, was built out of an Instagram account meant to mimic the personal ad structure of yore.
• In-person events I’ve attended or seen advertised invite attendees to leave personal ads on a bulletin board or table, such as a dyke night at my local dive bar, the Lesbian Lives Conference in 2025, or Lavender Market NYC!

What does it mean that the lesbian personal ad is still around? Is it disillusionment with online dating? Or is it that the short-form format is perfect for the digital age’s short attention spans? Or perhaps less is more, and mystery is hot? Are lesbians just a really nostalgic group of people who romanticize a pre-Internet past when dyke culture was supposedly more vibrant?


Whatever it is, I would love to know if you’ve ever had success with a personal ad.

Me: seeking stories and gossip about personal ads. You: someone with a fun story. Hit my line!

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Li-Anne Wright is an Asian American dyke in Michigan and is currently working on the aforementioned Sinister Wisdom issue on On Our Backs and curates the Sinister Snapshot every two weeks. Li-Anne is interested in all things queer history and art, has recently been looking into Asian American and Pacific Islander lesbian periodicals, and loves getting book recommendations.