The entire Middle East is quite lacking in terms of a Queer community, however it definitely isn’t lacking of any queers. Girls would often get caught making out in bathroom stalls in school, later getting reprimanded and having their parents called by the school secretary, biting their lips and twiddling their thumbs wondering if that moment of intimacy was worth it. Spoiler alert, it always is. Getting a slice of freedom in a world of traditions pie is such a wonderful thing to experience, especially when you are an Arab woman. What they don’t tell you is that separating girls and boys in school gives people the option to question their sexuality, it opens them up to the idea of, “What if? What if there was still love, and what if I am able to explore it with no limitations or boundaries?” Those rules were very ironic and clearly well thought out as if queer people didn’t exist.

Girls would often signal that they’re queer by cutting their hair short or pulling their hair into a messy half-bun, which has become an iconic style that screams gay and gives a sense of personal identity and expression of it. They would express themselves by joining a sport that gives them a feeling of who they are and a community similar to them, or maybe even try to rebel by leaning into a more punk rock category of lifestyle and clothing and maybe even ease into listening to some indie and Arabic music. Queer men, on the other hand, would often have to conceal their identities, as acting authentically as themselves would get them into trouble and cause harsh bullying in school. However, that doesn’t stop them from finding community and finding love eventually as our community is filled with strong people. Although it may be against the rules to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, we still find a way to plant our seed, grow and prosper with love and care.

I started my last semester of university in September before I chose to drop out. It shouldn’t be such a surprise as one of the last few things I remember is that I would skip classes to drink coffee and look for girls and guys. I would go to the sports building just to get some tea to sip on, as, well, it was truly the land of the dykes filled with gorgeous eye candies I could just stare at and some not so hidden couples I noticed. There would be couples and groups of friends sitting in the lockers room on the floor eating, Arabic hang out style. The first time I went to the locker room, I saw a lesbian feeding her butch girlfriend a sandwich, which was adorable. I felt envious, sick to my stomach. So I ended up joining the basketball team in search of a girlfriend. Although my lazy self only attended it for two days, it was a big commitment as basketball was always terrifying to me. It was filled with stunning tall girls, regardless of which team you decide to join, and I have always been so out of shape and unable to pull off sports, absolutely horrifying.

I spent most of my time in university walking around aimlessly, taking in the atmosphere and getting desserts and drinks for me and my friends. There would be some wholesome events such as mental health awareness and taking care of the environment. I would also make time for reading about queer activism and other politics, feminism and philosophy, sometimes indulging in playing video games. Arab society, although rich in culture, is plainly very boring. Everyone feels like they’re walking on eggshells with strict rules in regards to music, self-expression, politics, and religion. I find it very hard to make other Middle-Eastern friends since most of them hide behind a mask and don’t express interest in their hobbies or things that they find interesting. The culture here is prestigious yet shallow; oftentimes people’s topic of discussion is another person’s choice of clothing, way of talking, and just who they are as a whole. I pray that one day people learn that it's okay to be themselves and to know that it’s perfect being imperfect. However, until a day like that comes, we’ll be sipping coffee and discussing fashion trends.

Nujoom Al-Layali (she/her) is an agnostic Middle-Eastern expressionism and portrait artist, freestyle poet, and writer. With hopes and dreams in paving way for a non-judgemental future where people of all ethnic backgrounds, sexual identities, disabilities and faiths have a fair chance at living a life they truly desire and adore.